Sebenarnya, dari awal saya menulis blog ini saya bertekad tidak akan menulis hal-hal yang terlalu pribadi, terutama terkait masalah percintaan. Di sisi lain dengan menulis blog ini, saya sendiri bisa melihat bagaimana saya berkembang lewat tulisan-tulisan saya di blog ini. Ketika membaca ulang post-post di blog ini, bisa dibilang saya masih bisa merasakan apa yang saya pikirkan dan rasakan saat itu. Bagaimana sedihnya lulus SMA, bagaimana rasanya beradaptasi di semester awal kuliah, pelajaran-pelajaran hidup selama kuliah, saya pun menulisnya walupun tidak semuanya, dan saya rasa... kali ini mungkin tidak apa-apa kalau saya menulis tentang hal-hal yang paling sering disinggung di hampir semua novel, lagu, dan bahkan arsitektur. Hahaha

Beberapa hari yang lalu saya sempat membuat heboh timeline Line karena mengganti foto profil dengan seorang cowok. Teman - teman saya kaget,  menurut mereka tidak ada angin tidak ada hujan, tiba-tiba saya punya pacar. Well, sebenarnya nggak gitu juga. Banyak hal yang terjadi semasa kuliah. Ups and down related to this relationship things. It happened. Cuma saya memilih untuk biasa saja dan lebih sering update status tentang stressnya kuliah. *grin

Pada awalnya saya sama sekali tidak percaya kalau dia naksir saya. Tidak sama sekali. Saya pikir itu cuma bercanda. Dan ketika dia mengajak saya keluar, yang ada di pikiran saya cuma, mungkin dia saking buntunya sampe mengajak saya keluar. Dan ketika saya mulai berpikir bahwa sepertinya itu benar, justru saya yang menolak secara halus, karena banyak hal buruk di pikiran saya. Saya takut pacaran. Saya takut sakit hati. Saya masih nggak ngerti harus percaya sama cowok yang seperti apa, karena yang menurut kita baik belum tentu baik, dan salah satu alasannya adalah hal-hal konyol seperti karena menurut saya dia terlalu tampan buat saya. 

Di sisi lain, saya mengerti betul kalau dia bulan ini akan berangkat ke Korea dalam rangka student exchange selama satu semester. Sampai - sampai salah seorang teman saya di kantor yang lebih tua, dan tentu saja lebih berpengalaman bilang begini, "Pe em, hatinya dibuka ya. Habis ini dia mau pergi ke Korea loh, jangan sampe kamu nyesel karena nolak." Saya masih aja keukeuh saat itu, saya bilang ke diri saya sendiri. "You're not ready for another broken heart. No just no. Look at him, he's so handsome. He could get another girl easily and dump you." Tegarkan dirimu Em untuk tidak tertarik. Hahaha. Padahal sebenarnya tidak ada masalah dari dianya. 

Tapi akhirnya saya luluh juga. Hahaha. Bukan karena dia ganteng. Bukan. Saya bisa melihat kesungguhannya di tindakannya. Dan ketika dia menyatakan, saya pun mengiyakan. Lucunya, atau mungkin sedihnya, beberapa hari setelah itu dia berangkat ke Jakarta, stay beberapa hari disana, dan setelah itu langsung ke Korea selama satu semester. 

Suasana setelah kami jadian, antara senang dan sedih. Entahlah. Sulit dijelaskan. Kadang di sela-sela waktu luang ketika kami pergi makan bareng, kami saling diam karena sedih. Tapi sok sok tegar. But still, we had fun.

Kemarin Jum'at akhirnya saya mengantarkan dia ke Bandara, bersama dua orang teman kosannya. Untungnya temannya ini bisa bikin jokes-jokes yang bikin lupa kalau dia bakal pergi beberapa menit lagi. Pada akhirnya... it was time to said goodbye. Mungkin kalau berdua doang, saya pasti udah nangis di bandara, karena kami pasti sama - sama mellownya. 

Malem itu, akhirnya saya pulang dijemput bapak saya lagi, hehehe, padahal sebelum-sebelumnya selalu pulang sama dia, beliau sampe tanya, "Gimana tadi? Pake nangis - nangis segala?" sambil mesam mesem. Hahaha

Untuk mengiyakan sebenarnya tidak segampang itu juga, banyak hal yang sudah saya pikirkan sampai akhirnya saya berani juga. Saya ingat betul waktu awal - awal saya sering diantar dia, ibu saya bilang begini, "Put, sudah yakin betul sama yang ini? Kamu tau kan rasanya sakit hati itu gimana. Kamu itu harus bisa ngebedain mana perasaan yang datangnya dari Allah dan perasaan yang cuma sesaat." Jujur waktu itu, saya terenyak. Saya. enggak. ngerti. Gimana cara ngebedainnya. I have no idea. Ibu saya memang kadang kelewat serius, karena beliau dulu pacaran pertama kalinya langsung sama bapak saya dan bisa bertahan ke jenjang pernikahan dan sekarang pun masih mesra. 

Jujur saat itu saya sempat parno - parno sendiri. Saya nggak mungkin juga kan tau - tau menjauh karena saya beneran nggak ngerti ini perasaan anugrah Allah atau cuma sesaat, sementara ada cowok baik - baik yang ngebuat saya sreg ada di depan mata. Akhirnya saya ngerti kudu ngapain, saya cuma kudu senantiasa berdoa dan percaya sama yang diatas, rencana Allah pasti yang terbaik. 

Saya cukup ngerti banyak hal-hal buruk terjadi. Saya jelas pernah sakit hati, ngerasa down, kalah. Saya juga dengar sendiri cerita-cerita dari teman saya. "Pacarku so sweet banget Em awalnya, tapi ujung-ujungnya aku yo ditinggal." Atau liat sendiri teman saya yang sudah punya pacar masih suka deket - deket cewek lain. Banyak sekali. Atau bukan cuma cowok, ceweknya kadang juga aneh - aneh. 

Di zaman yang makin edan ini, banyak banget orang cerai. Ibu saya yang seorang dosen, beberapa kali dicurhati mahasiswanya yang depresi karena orang tuanya selingkuh dan sebagainya. Dan mungkin ibu saya, sebagai orang yang jauh lebih dewasa, tahu sendiri bagaimana pernikahan bisa berakhir tidak menyenangkan. Tapi apa dengan begitu ibu saya jadi parno dan jadi nggak percaya sama bapak saya, nggak juga kan. 

Saya jadi ingat cerita seorang raja yang pernah bermimpi bahwa dia akan dibunuh anaknya sendiri di masa depan. Saking takutnya raja tersebut akhirnya memenjarakan putranya supaya si anak tersebut tidak bisa membunuhnya. Padahal justru karena anak tersebut dipenjara oleh ayahnya sendiri, dia jadi benci setengah mati sama ayahnya, dan akhirnya ketika dia dewasa, si anak tersebut membunuh ayahnya sendiri. 

Pada akhirnya rasa takut itu pasti ada, bukan karena saya LDR Surabaya - Seoul, kalau emang niat ya bisa-bisa aja nikung padahal satu kampus, sebagai manusia cuma bisa pasrah, kita bahkan nggak pernah ngerti kan kita hidup sampai kapan. 

Semoga dengan menulis ini saya akan senantiasa ingat untuk tidak dikalahkan dan dikuasai oleh rasa takut. Karena pada akhirnya setakut apapun manusia tidak bisa berbuat apapun kalau memang itu kehendak yang diatas. Karena manusia terkadang lupa, khilaf. Cuma bisa berdoa untuk selalu ingat dengan yang Di Atas dan percaya. Semuanya sudah ada yang mengatur. Yang baik akan dibalas, dan yang buruk juga akan dibalas. 

"To the future we surrender, life's to live, and love's to love... " Float - Surrender


(actually written in August 2014)

I've reading books a lot lately, they're novels. Young adult novels to be more specific. I used to read novels a lot and I stopped in my last year of high school. Not because that I didn't have time to read, I just didn't enjoy it anymore. And there was more drama in life that I think I can make a novel about it. Heheh. So I stopped. Although, I kept buying some English books, that I thought I would read because they're in English so I can practice. But it turned out that they stayed in my bookshelf for about hmm… two years, until last semester when I found some of my university friends (well actually They were just Hesty and Fandi) brought novels to campus, and shared them, it encouraged me to read my novels again. English novels. 


Some of the books that I kept for years turned out to be really good, some just boring, but I managed to finish them anyway. But in this post, I'm not gonna write my opinion about books that I've kept for years. This post is about books that I bought lately, and I still can't get enough of it because I found so many good young adult books.

What is young adult genre? It mostly tells about coming of age story, usually the character is in her/his last year of high school and facing a lot of things: lover, and sometimes complicated family problem. Mostly they came from a dysfunctional family, their dad left them when they were kid, divorced family, stuff like that. 

In young adult novels, it is about growing up; discovering yourself; being a better you. In the end, the characters wouldn't have saved the world, like Katniss Everdeen, or Tris from Divergent. That's why I have always liked this genre. It feels real, it shows how being a better you, takes time and it is never easy.




Every Day by David Levithan

First novel I read this year (last year). Two weeks before ITS Expo, or just a week, I forget. I had intention to buy this book when I first saw it in Periplus because I accidentally read a lot of good opinion about this book on amazon.com, a few days before.
I was surprised when I couldn't put this book down. Finished in one night, less than 12 hours. It was a long time since I read something so good. 

Actually, it is not a pure young adult, it is mixed with fantasy. After Twilight success, there are a lot of books with creatures not human that fell in love with human. And I think how creative Levithan is to come up with this story. As the story tells, A is a 'creature' that always moves from someone's body to another, every day. Because of this, I really have no idea what will happen next, where he will be, and it surprise me in a good way. 
You know when you read a book, something surprising mostly come up, to make the plot twist, that pissed me off, sometimes, because some of the plot twist don't come up naturally. It just there to make the story climax. 
I'm also like spoiler. But that time, I didn't want to know, and I had no idea. And I'm glad that Levithan finished this book in a beautiful way. I was relieved and happy with the ending.
Although, this book is somewhat gloomy, I give this 5 out of 5 stars.


Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

This is a book about being in university! Really! And I loooveee it! The characters in this book worry about their GPA (well it's just Levi), struggle to study, think about their far-away family, and how heart broken it is when you think that you're on the right track, choosing a subject because you think you have passion in it and sure as hell that you will get a high score. But it don't turn out to be like that. (This actually sounds like me, but the main character, Cath, faces this too). Those small problems that happen in this book are what we, as university students, face. And I praise Raibow Rowell to mix all this daily problems, connect them to the story without being too much, and still make her novel turns to be special.

All tough I love this book, some times I had a hard time understanding the main character. She just wouldn't make friends, she even doesn't want to go to the cafeteria because she hates meeting people, and I hate that. Even this is a novel, it reminds my self that changing your habit is hard in reality, it needs process, that's when I understand Cath. 
I also like the main character's love interest: Levi, because of his kindness. I don't know how to say this in English, but one thing that I like about him is that: telaten banget sama Cath. No wonder he wins her heart. This book also has the character illustrated on the back front cover, and it is not a realistic type, this way readers still can expand their imagination on how they look like in real life. 

Levi and Cath, from the book back cover illustration, and Thibaut.

And… because I'm into football lately, I have always imagined Levi in real life looks like Belgian goalkeeper: Thibaut Courtois with blonde hair. Well i know it maybe weird if he has blonde hair, but yeah I imagine it that way. wkwkwk
I was lucky to get this book. It was the last stock in Periplus GM, and it actually belonged to someone else, the book was someone's request but she/he didn't pick up the book for such a long time that so that the shopkeeper let me to buy it.
Thank you to Mbak Hesti who made a line status about how good the book is. I rate this book 5 out of 5.


Abundance of Katherine by John Green

My first John Green novel, because I dislike story with death occurs in it, that's why I wouldn't buy The Fault in Our Stars, but after I read the first chapter of TFIOS as the bonus of this book, I think I'll give it a try.

I like the moral value that the ending gives but I have no interest about the character at all, except Hassan because he is a muslim and I was surprised to find a practiced muslim featured in American teenage novel. 
I give this book 3.5 out of 5 stars because John Green has put an mathematical formula (hell yes you will find a mathematical explanation inside) and anagrams into a story about growing up and finding yourself. 


Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan

I bought this book because I was curious about the inside, the explanation about the story from the back cover weren't enough, and people rate this book in amazon.com  positive. Besides they are John Green and David Levithan so yeah this book is somewhat trusted to be good.

In this book, Green and Levithan write their own Will Grayson. Green's Will Grayson is a normal boy comes from a family of doctors who keep his feeling save by refusing to date. And I was surprised when I found out that the other Grayson, Levithan's, is a gay.   I never have gay friend in my life and reading this book of the gay Grayson part just seems not right. I'm so sorry. 

Besides the gay Will Grayson, the normal Grayson has a very interesting love story. I often find myself couldn't put up reading the Grayson gay part, and fastened my reading to that I can reach to the normal Grayson chapter again.  

John Green's dialogs are often witty, and I like how Grayson and his friends interest of indie music. Green's Grayson dialog with his love interest, Jane is soo interesting. I couldn't wait what come up next between them. And again, just like what John Green did in Abundance of Katherine, he did a relationship metaphor using a scientific thing.

It seems kinda impossible in real life that two person with the same name meet each other and then develop a friendship, but this story is originally inspired by David Levithan's other half, David Leventhal. They went to Brown University (Emma Watson's univ in America) together, although they didn't know each other, they often received mixed calls, emails, because of their look-a-like name. And David Leventhal who was a dancer was often mistaken as Levithan by Levithan's friends. Some friends would come up to him and said, "Wow you look clumsy in real life, last night I watched your performance and I never thought you could dance like that." 

I give this book 4 stars out of 5


My Life Next Door by Huntley Fitzpatrick

I fell in love with the two main characters in this book. I like how Samatha keep working hard although she's rich and never give a fuss about that. I imagine Jase Garet, Samantha's love interest, is the kind of person you will notice in real life. Not like Levi, Jase gets his charm because he is the kind of macho type. He is good at fixing machines, and works a lot, delivering newspaper six days a week at four in the morning. He bought his own car, a secondhand car, and modified it himself.  

This was the kind of book you would enjoy even the story is unlikely to happen. That a bit fairy tale type. And everything was fine until the story reach its climax. It just ughhhh…. I mean there must be something else that can make the story twist. Not like that. 

I also disappointed with the ending. It was a happy ending, but so many things are unresolved. How about Nan, Samantha's best friends? about Jase study? Nan is one of the main problem that Samantha faces, but the ending doesn't give any hints about that.

I read in Huntley's website that she will have a book published in 2015 related to this story, the main character will be Nan's brother and Jase's sister, and maybe that's why Huntley kept some things unresolved in the end. Just maybe.

Despite the climax and the ending that I don't like, everything is good, I really enjoyed reading 3/4 of the book. Fell in love with both characters in the story which affects me to remember good things about the book. Sometimes it gets so funny because of George, Jase's brother. 

I give this book 3 stars out of 5.


There's two more novels actually that I read, but those are not my favorites. Anyway I read My Life Next Door in the pdf format, and you can email me if you want or just search in google, but you have to be patient making sure if the link really contain an ebook to be downloaded. 

I'm planning to buy another John Green novel, not sure which one. Just three left and death occurs in the two of them, it left me Paper Town. But Looking for Alaska is so good that it won an award, and you know how things going around with The Fault in Our Star. I'm also waiting for Rainbow Rowell's Eleanor & Park, the Periplus staff said to me that I have to wait for a month but it is fine, because I couldn't love Fangirl anymore and actually Eleanor & Park is more famous that Fangirl, and won an award.

(so after I finished this reviews I bought Eleanor & Park. So I’m writing this review 4 months after I read the book)


Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

Honestly, even this book get an award but Fangirl does not, I didn’t enjoy reading this book to much. I just didn’t fall with the both character, especially Eleanor. I know this is very subjective I don’t judge based on the storyline. The storyline is complicated, somewhat dark but I believe a lot of girl out there are having this problems. Maybe it’s so complicated for me that I didn’t enjoy it (I always prefer the book that makes me happy, unless it’s that good)

I give this novel 4 out of 5 stars


So now I'm in holiday again, but... (writing this makes me wanna cry) No I'm not. Sadly I'm not in a holiday. I have to do all of those works that I have to do. But once yes is yes right? I want to go to somewhere really sooner, even be able to visit Galaxy and buy something will make me better. I haven't visit anything relaxing after all the academic deadline, and then I have another already. I went to Batu last week, but I did feel under pressured do to something I haven't finished (I sound that frustrated, not grateful, bad, doesn't I? So maybe I have to end this post) Bye


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